Listen fuckers, 

And listen good because I’m not repeating myself.

…Thank you.

For the best wishes and being supportive and all those good things. Lesbihonest, some of you make me want to fuck myself with a cactus wrapped in sandpaper but, I can’t express how much I appreciate all your help and whatnot with everything’s that has been happening. When I entered that godforsaken house I don’t think I started on the right foot with anyone but now I do consider a few some much all of you as apart of my second family. Even though a lot of you are like those annoy cunt cousins that I can’t fucking wait to tattle on because I take pleasure in your pain.

Not sure if this will be a shock or not but no, I will not be returning to the house for its upcoming season. Never thought this day would come but I, Puckzilla Puckerman, want to settle down. Now that we have the newest addition to our already dysfunctional family it’s time to, you know, do mature decision making and whatnot. I’ll root my favorites on when I get a chance to catch the show because I have a feeling I won’t be able to sleep for a long while now.

But I swear the god the moment I see pointless, stupid drama I’m sending you all a package of a video. In that video is footage of a water buffalo giving birth. One of the expecting parenting classes made us watch it AND THAT SHIT IS SCARING. INTENSE AND SCARING. I will scar you all for life willingly if you become dumbass’s. I’m warning you. Remember Ohana and all that good shit, alright? 

Rock on, keep fucking, and -

- Puck

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sexandsatanlopez:

(Source: inspir4t1on)

sexandsatanlopez:

Hope Isabel Dana Puckerman, born 7lbs 09oz, at 7:22 pm on July 7th

You and me plus baby makes three | Pucktana 

sexandsatanlopez:

Santana rolled her eyes, rocking the little girl slightly and tilting her up to kiss her forehead once more before handing her to her father, falling back to her own pillows moments after. She smiled at the way he checked how he had his arms out, the grip he had on her, and stared for a moment at her husband and their daughter. She wiped at her eyes again, crossing her arms over her chest and grinning at the pair when Puck began to sing. Santana let her eyes close, enjoying the moment. He sang to all the time, but slow songs were rare - Usually only when she’d been having a particularly bad day or had an episode, and it had quickly become one of her favourite things, to hear him sing. She opened one eye to look at the pair again, unable to not stare at the astoundingly tiny pink bundle in his arms.

“That’s what we’re naming her,” Santana said suddenly cutting him off, though she kept her voice as soft as possible. “Hope. Noah, that’s her name,” She sat up again, reaching one arm out to run her fingers along the pink blanket, brushing her knuckle against the baby’s cheek. “And then after our sisters,” Santana added, glancing up at Puck. “That’s her name,” She repeated, lifting a hand to wipe again at the tears that never seemed to end. “That’s her name and she’s absolutely perfect,” 

The boy looked up from his arms the moment he was being cut off. His forehead creased in confusion as he tried to keep up on the same track as Santana before finally he was right there with her. “Hope,” he repeated as he looked down at the girl. “You like that?” Her crying by then had turned into nothing but mere hiccups and was closing her eyes to drift herself into sleep. Puck smiled as he leaned down to rub his nose against the tiny nub that was on his daughter’s face. “Hope Isabel Dana Puckerman. I love it.” Puck kept his voice low as he watched in awe as the newborn fell asleep in his arms. Seconds later he was standing up carefully and handing her back over to her mouth before he was crawling onto the hospital bed next to Santana. Puck laid on his side as he ran his fingers against the baby’s blanket, his eyes never leaving the small bundle of joy while he pressed his forehead against Santana’s temple. “Ours.”

(Source: puckxyou)

You and me plus baby makes three | Pucktana 

sexandsatanlopez:

Santana picked up easily on Puck’s not so subtle change of subject, but appreciated it, sniffling slightly and turning her head to wipe her cheek on her hospital gown. “She’s absolutely gorgeous,” Santana agreed, adjusting her grip on the little girl so her father could reach out to her, smiling at the small interaction. She nodded at his words, leaning down to press her lips to the baby’s forehead and grinning as she pulled away. “We did,” She turned her head, moving to kiss him lightly and beaming at him. “We made something so tiny and beautiful and…” Santana sighed softly, smiling again at Puck’s introduction to his daughter. “Absolutely fucking perfect,” She finally finished, biting her lip. “Your nose,” She contested, brushing her fingers along the side of the blanket where they gripped the baby’s side.

“We seriously need to name her though, Puck,” Santana pulled her gaze from her daughter again, meeting her husband’s eyes and slipping her thumb between her ring and middle finger, playing with the cheap dollar store ring on it. “We’re not putting Baby Girl Puckerman on the birth certificate,”

Even though Puck believed Baby Girl Puckerman had a wonderful ring to it she was right, they did need to think of a legit name soon. “But look at how cute she is, look at that face she’s making now.” Puck was unable to keep his eyes off of her when the newborn’s face twisted in what he thought was yawning before he heard her crying. The sound of her crying was probably going to be the soundtrack of their lives for the next year. “She wants her daddy, lemme have her.” Puck sat back in his chair and offered his arms out, positioning them perfectly to what he remembered on how Santana taught him on how to properly hold a newborn. 

He sat back in his chair and looked down at the crying girl, bouncing her lightly but then suddenly stopping when that only made her cry louder. Puck then went to the second best thing he knew how to do in hopes that it would calm her down: sing. Puck just went ahead and began singing the first melody that came to mind. “There’s a song that’s inside of my soul, it’s the one that I’ve tried to write over and over again.” Puck gradually rose his voice just to make sure she could hear him and once she glanced at him Puck knew she was listening. “I’m awake in the infinite cold,” Whenever Puck sang he always got into it. It was a passion of his since a young age. A passion he would of loved to of turned it into a career but, of course, life got in the way of that dream. It didn’t matter, he was happy with his life. Especially when that moment, right then and there, was the happiest day of his life. 

“So I lay my head back down. And I lift my hands and pray, to be only yours I pray, to be only yours I know now you’re my only hope…”

(Source: puckxyou)

You and me plus baby makes three | Pucktana 

sexandsatanlopez:

Santana was exhausted - She didn’t think she’d ever been this tired before. Every part of her body ached and it was all she could do to stay awake, she hadn’t held her baby yet. She did let herself lay back, however, making tiny sounds of acknowledgement as Ava, Martin and Jeremy took their leave of the room to allow Puck and Santana a moment with each other and with their daughter. She closed her eyes as she relaxed, allowing Puck to cradle her head with a small smile on her face and muttering back a small, quiet ‘I love you,’ to him. 

Santana opened her eyes again when she heard footsteps, adjusting how she was sitting slightly and holding out her arms as the nurse handed the little pink bundle to her. “Hi baby,” She mumbled softly, grinning at the little girl’s face and flicking her gaze up when Puck disappeared from her side, rolling her eyes when he produced a camera. “And so it begins,” She muttered to her daughter, beaming at the baby again and brushing. “I have no idea how we managed to make you,” Santana said quietly, her voice still hoarse. She looked up when Puck swore, furrowing her brow a moment before she understood. “We didn’t name her,” Santana looked back to the little girl, biting her lip and willing herself not to cry - Immediately blaming not only hormones but sleep deprivation for the onslaught of emotions before realizing that already was crying, and had been for a while. 

Puck shut the camera off and looked down at Santana to catch her trying to hold back tears. Puck pressed his lips together trying to think of something to say to kind of change the subject for the time being - of course naming he was important but right then it wasn’t the most important thing going on. “Look at how beautiful she is,” Puck pulled a chair up to the bed after setting the camera down, leaning his forearms against the mattress and holding out a finger for the baby to rub against the tiny hands of the baby. “I did that.” His wide grin flattered slightly when his eyes caught Santana’s face. “We.” Puck corrected himself suddenly. His smile, however, went back to proudly shining as he looked back at the baby. “Hi, I’m your daddy.” The boy cooed as he brushed his fingertip over her arm. “She has your eyes, Lo.”

(Source: puckxyou)

You and me plus baby makes three | Pucktana 

It was hell but it was so worth it. Puck was convinced that he had forever lost feeling in his left hand and he was scarred for life for being a curious fucker and wanted to see what the doctors were looking at when they were asking Santana to push - but so worth it when a beautiful baby girl came out. Puck stood patiently by Santana’s bedside as the nurses took the baby to do the necessary procedures, Puck holding the back of the brunette’s head and continuously kissing her forehead and congratulating her on the good job of delivering his child. “I love you, baby.”

Puck stood in awestruck when they brought her back nestled in a pink blanket. It was just all surreal to him how something so unplanned could be so beautiful. It felt like yesterday he was banging on the front door to that apartment in San Diego with a look of desperation on his face. “Wait!” Puck quickly ran over to a chair sitting in the corner that had a backpack of assorted things that he brought to the hospital. Puck stood up straight a few seconds later holding up a brand new video camera, going all proud papa mode with this moment.

After opening the flap on the side and walking back over to the two girls the mohawk haired boy murmured a few curse words under his breath when he started not working at first. He groaned as he slapped his palm against the side of it a couple of times before watching the screen finally flash on. “For Ma and Dana,” Puck finally explained as he began recording, a large grin appearing on his face as he zoomed in on the baby girl. “Say hello to… to… Fuck, I knew there was something we were forgetting!” Throughout all the madness within the past months they forget to think of a name for their new child.